whenever i write about you, i describe your eyes as if call them home.
your eyes reveal you. i know you think of me, as i think of you.
whenever i write about you, i describe your eyes as if call them home.
your eyes reveal you. i know you think of me, as i think of you.
(music: dream brother - jeff buckley)
-skip to 0:23-
it was like the night we spent in the forest. you had me laughing, shaking under the stars. this time it was your backyard. fairy lights strung from the trees and jeff buckley crooned from the stereo beside us.
the music brought us together.
the blanket we laid on was so soft and so were your hands. you gave my hand a squeeze as you looked straight through me. your eyes were like whirlpools of blue, stirring up new inspiration with every glance. we were so close i could feel your heart beat, faster with every moment.
you leaned in to kiss me and i stuttered, “parker-” as you laid your hand on my hip. it was all happening again. the air around us became thicker and thicker. everything was blended with dark maroons and browns and swirled into a bright blue. maybe it was you. maybe it was me. you had me. you kissed me harder.
movement. move towards me.
i climbed on top of you and you smiled. i leaned down to be closer and we laid there, beating as one. you kissed my neck and i laughed. we laughed. the wine we drank flowed through both of our bodies and brought us to the same conclusion.
love will conquer us.
every touch was a song. every sight was a masterpiece. you were a flower ready to bloom. it was spring after all and we were both developing.
you whispered words that were right, that were present, that made sense to me only in that moment. i combed my hands through your hair and your hand slid under my sundress. i had no doubt that this is where we both belonged.
i feel it.
you’re the only one i want and the only one i need. all we have to do is
“Oh! Hey Peter.” I turn, and look at him as if he wasn’t the reason I walked into the café.
He looks the same as he did before, except his hair is a bit shorter, and his thick sweater from the night of the party is exchanged for a t-shit. His eyes are still a crystal hypnotizing blue, and his smile still takes my breath away.
His eyes are dancing in their sockets, and I can feel my body become alive.
I thought about him a lot when I was alone these past few weeks. And when the first signs of spring began to show, I knew tell the universe would deal me a good hand.
I feel the pull from before, and I know if his offer still stands – this time, I’ll take it.
“Hey, how’ve you been?” He asks, as if he’s not thinking about the same things I am.
“Good, school has been going good. What about you?”
“Same here.” His reply is short. We’re not here to chit chat, but we go along with the normal pleasantries for looks.
I can see his eyes looking me over. Down my neck, my chest, my bare legs.
“So what brings you here?” I ask him, and he looks up at me, smiling.
“Just wanted to get some tea. My flats down the street. Where are you headed after this?”
“Nowhere in particular. I just wanted to take a walk.”
We’re staring right into each other’s eyes, smiling like dorks.
“Do you still believe in the universe?” He asks, his voice quiet.
“Of course. Do you still want to show me your place?” My tone matches his.
“Let’s go then.”
He grins widely and stands, grabbing his tea in one hand, and my hand in his other. Without another word, he tosses the tea in the trash and pulls me out of the café.
We speed walk down the street, the blooming flowers on trees zip past me.
I look at them, I look at him, he looks at me. He’s smiling, I’m tripping over my feet.
“Peter, slow down!” I yell over my laughter and he stops completely.
He looks down at me, a mischievous look in his eyes & then bends over slightly.
“Get on my back.”
“What?” I screech, shaking my head.
“C’mon, we’ve only got a block or two left. It’ll be fine. I won’t drop you, I promise.”
“Alright then.” I agree, and hop onto his back. I feel embarrassed until he stands up effortlessly, as if I weigh nothing at all.
“You’re strong.” I whisper into his ear after he begins walking at a pace my shorter legs could never keep up with.
I can feel him laugh beneath me, and I kiss him behind his ear, smiling at how perfect everything feels in this moment.
He continues to walk in silence, and I continue to kiss his ear, his neck, shoulders, and jaw, until we reach a tall apartment building and he puts me down.
“Thank God, we’re here. I thought you’d kill me before we made it.” He sighs, exasperated and I giggle.
“What’d I do?” I ask, feigning innocence.
“You know what you’ve done.” He replies, eyes slanted & I smile, cheekily. He laces our fingers and leads me up into the building. “Now come.”
I shiver & bite my lip, even though I know that’s not at all what he meant. Or at least not yet.
We climb up what feels like miles of stairs. I spend the majority of the time admiring his butt, giggling to myself until, he finally turns and asks what I’m laughing about.
I shake my head and stay silent the rest of the way up.
“Okay, we’re here.” He states, unlocking the door in front of us.
“Finally!” I exclaim throwing my head back in exaggeration. I’m rendered silent when I feel his lips on my neck and his arms around me from the side.
I feel my legs go weak and he pulls back, but only to my ear. “Do you want anything to drink?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Alright, I’ll show you around then.” He pulls me in front of him - chest to back - locking the front door behind us, and leads us deeper into his apartment.
you take my hand and we walk back down to the creek. we sit on the rocks and dip our feet into the water. your wrap your foot around mine and we get tangled. tangled under the trees shaking in the breeze, telling us it’s our time. i’m tangled inside, outside, my hair is tangled and so is my stomach. you pick up a stone and skip it across the water. i join you. we watch nature respond to our greeting. together.
It was later into the night, when we really…connected.
I was standing in a circle of people - alcohol in hand, Jimi Hendrix playing through the speakers, the lot of us talking about politics – when I felt him behind me.
His breath on the back of my neck.
“Lola… you’ve got a very pretty name.”
My eyes shut on their own accord, and the shivers began again.
Luckily, I wasn’t looking into his eyes. If I had, I’m not sure I would have been able to reply.
“Thank you.” I said back, my voice low. The already high temperature of the stuffy room escalated with every exhale of his breath onto my neck.
Jimi’s electric guitar turned my skin to fire.
“So what brings you across the pond, Lola?”
Nobody was paying attention to me anymore. Nobody but him.
“School.” My responses were short – I felt lost for words.
“The London Film Academy-“
“And why won’t you look at me?” He cut me off. His hand wrapped around my upper arm and he turned me around.
I stared straight into his eyes and he smiled at me again.
“Because if I look at you, I won’t be able to talk.” I told him the embarrassing truth.
He laughed and my heart stopped. He was so gorgeous, and I was so lame.
“You’re talking now!” He replied. I couldn’t help myself as a huge smile graced my face. “There it is!” He exclaimed, pinching my cheek. I giggled and he let go.
“Now what’s this about film school?”
We spent the rest of the night grooving to the music, talking about the superficial things that crossed our minds, and pinching each other’s cheeks.
As dawn broke through the sky, and we were some of the last people at the party – curled up next to each other on the couch, talking about nothing – he asked me what I was doing after I left.
The air was cold and left me feeling fresh and alive.
“Probably just going to walk around London after I take a nap…” I replied, looking out the big window to our left - eyeing the streets of London. “Why?”
“I was just wondering…because…” This is the first time he’d ever sounded so unsure of himself. “I wanted to know if you’d…maybe…want to come back to my place…or something.”
My heart began to beat violently, but over the course of the night I’d learned to keep my cool & my head level. I smiled at him and shook my head. His face fell.
“I had a great time with you, and I really like you.” I could tell he didn’t believe me. “I do, honestly…I just don’t feel like now is the right time. But when the universe brings us together again, and if your offer still stands, I’d be happy to take you up on it.”
He understood. We’d spent a lot of time talking about the universe, and how everyone’s lives aligned. And right then – we just weren’t in line with one another.
So he stood up, pulling me off the couch by my hands.
“I had fun, Lola.”
“So did I, Peter.”
“Can I at least kiss you?”
I thought about it…I was afraid, but I believed I could handle a kiss. So I nodded, and soon his hands were on my cheeks – not pinching them, but holding them gently.
I closed my eyes, and in the silence of dawn, he kissed me. A kiss that felt more refreshing than the morning’s cold air, and filled my fingers, toes, and chest with electricity that dissipated throughout my body, until I felt strung out on warmth.
He pulled back, and pinched my cheeks again with a smile. He walked away, picked his over coat off of a chair, opened the front door, and looked at me one more time with a small wave, before he left.
I automatically regretted not leaving with him.
I didn’t see him again until the spring time.
[Note, please press link when it arrives. It pairs with the story. Thank you. ♡]
I first met him a few weeks ago, at a house party a friend of mine had thrown.
I’d landed in London a few days before, and I was hell-bent on doing anything & everything an average Brit would do. I wanted to feel like part of the population, not like the tourist I was – so when I was invited to her party, I felt like I had to go.
Not that I was complaining much.
The whole night felt surreal, like I’d stepped into an indie film based on London in the 60s. The flat was dim, and the rock n roll was loud. Everyone had a beer, everyone was mingling and talking. The atmosphere filled me with a sense of new beginnings as I met all of my friend’s friends, and friends of their friends, until finally I was led to him.
The music in the room changed. (link) L’Idole by Jacques Dutronc.
As Jacques spoke in French through the speakers, I took my first look into his hypnotizing crystal blue eyes.
“Aye, mate. This here is Lola.” A man I’d met minutes ago introduced me to him.
“It’s a pleasure, Lola.” He said to me, and I felt my sanity melt away as I shivered at the sound of his voice. My sudden cold quickly replaced by a warm coat of awe as I looked him over.
Tall. Blue eyes, black unruly hair. Perfect build. And his smile. ..
It felt like every millisecond it grew wider, my breath got shorter and shorter.
His hand extended to me, and I took it instinctually. It was warm & large. I allowed my lip to be drawn into my teeth.
“I’m Peter. Peter Harvey.”
summer; 1:59 am. Monday.
We cruise down the 405 in the whip. Little Dragon plays loudly as I dance expressively and you groove along side me in the passenger seat. Your curly dark hair bounces all over the place and I laugh at that, a little to loudly.
"WHAT’S SO FUNNY BUGS BUNNY?!" you yell over the music. Your voice is full and robust.
♫Flourished and sprayed with perfume,
so sweetened your doomed for a well garnished life♫
"YOU!" I scream to match your belt.
The sun has long since gone down, but speeding down the nearly vacant freeway with you fills me with a warmth I’d never recognized before. We spend a moment like this. Dancing wildly and laughing at each other. The song dies down.
♫Its a recommendation, a recommendation
From a magazine..♫
I turn the volume down, lay my head back on the head-rest, and look over to you.
"Hey." I say with a smile. You look back over at me.
"Hi beautiful." you say while reaching out to caress my chin.
Your touch sends shivers down my whole body and you know this.
You smirk,”Your place or mine?”
I can’t help but smile, laugh and turn the music back up.
I step on the gas.
"Whatever," I reply "we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it!"
you’re right there. right in front of me. it’s all happening in this very moment. your eyes shine like nothing i’ve ever seen before and the sight of your face softens the burn of the sun and the ache of my knee. i had fallen from the tree earlier and you held me by the creek while we washed off the dirt. you told me, “everything’s going to be okay.” and i believed you. i still believe you. you’re sitting across from me. the smell of the sunscreen on your skin brings me back to my childhood amongst the waves. my gaze drifts upon your hands, to your eyes, to your lips. my heart is at sea, a slave to the moon, to the stars, to the imminent storm approaching me. i notice the earth beneath me is so still in comparison to this buzzing feeling in the core of my body. your hand brushes against mine and we lay down, side by side. i feel so content right here, right now. this is all i need. you and me. nature. sun. and sunscreen.
Finally, I saw him in the spring, his face slightly distorted behind the thick glass windows of the cafe.
I had been thinking about how romantic the air felt on my skin just moments before I rounded the corner. And then there he was.
I tried to stop my feet from stilling, and I tried to stop my heart from beating, and I tried to stop my eyes from widening - but resistance was futile.
The moment I saw him sitting there, I had to speak to him. I had to.
I walked in the cafe and bought a drink.
Every real sound seemed muffled behind the static of my mind.
I barely heard the barista, though I stared straight at her.
My thoughts were focused on how to approach my current situation.
I nodded, barely, and looked at him by the window - his eyes focused on his phone.
I walked towards him; I didn’t take my receipt.
The seat next to him was open. I let myself sit there, but looked the other way.
I had no idea what I was doing and why.
I was embarrassed.
But then his velvet voice echoed next to me.